“So what…is the sex confusing you? ”
As I was with him…I was excited right on when I finally saw his face. I dreaded to be with him again because every time I am, I seem to lose a grip of myself. The memory of him always has the power to make me ache, with lustful and sadness memories. The wishful thinking, the wonderland that I tend to visit when we no longer together. How perfect we were for each other that it sent chills in my chest. My heart quickened, my lips parted to accommodate faster breaths.
I finally got inside the car after nervously struggling with a bag; as he asked for a quick hug…as if he wasn’t sure I’d give him a go ahead! It wasn’t long, but it was long enough for me to feel like every inch of me thinks I should leave. That right moment, but my flesh tingles. And begs for more. As he started the engine to take off, my insides were tremendously themed for joy as his eyes met mine and we did sweet nothings of greetings. His compliment to my beauty made me blush as I was looking at him, thinking how mouthwatering he looked. It brought sex to my mind. His smile…amazing sex.
It was a beautiful night, he was full of humour as I last visited. We were clearly glad to be around each other again. We did much of talking and in the bedroom…I was asked for a second hug. I jumped at it because I couldn’t wait to be in his arms again. We maintained eye contact because I was unable to look away. We hugged, it felt so good – I just wanted to eat him up . He wasn’t just beautiful , he was able to make me feel unhinged. There I was…I kissed his neck, everything in me was helpless to every feels that made my lips turn to his neck.
He liked that, he didn’t hesitate to tell me it was his weak spot. My bloodstream was exploding as he said that against my ear, without realizing…it was my weakness too. Excitement danced its way through my veins. Desire. Lust. All there at the idea that this man was finally touching me again, kissing me. It was like we both felt the same, I could feel the rush, and the lustful pleasure between us…running all over us. For too long I’d merely dreamed of being held by him again, him kissing me and knowing I was his…at least for those moments. Of course I craved for more.
It was as amazing and as exquisite as I had craved it long for, it might as well be the best sex we ever made together. It pains in my heart as I look back and think of it…it was supposed to last. Confirmed for more best sex to come. The air feels hollow now, like it did that day. Like breathing is no longer an option. With dizziness, so I’d say now…a beautiful song was played in the morning and gave me hopes, together even more with the talks we had last night. Beautiful night it was! I spent all day, thinking , and working out ideas and thoughts of how the talk could go.
I promise, I always feel like I miss moments with him…maybe its a way to comfort myself but it such a feeling I can’t shake. “What do you want?” , he asked…I’m a mess with him. I can think straight and yet when I talk, I’m a mess. Indirect as I was, I tried telling him “I want you”. His movement expression in bed makes me think it physically pains him. Then he looks in me, through me as like I’m not making sense. Admittedly, I was all over the place with my words, God…I couldn’t do that again if I could. Especially knowing the outcome. Or maybe I would…it fucks with me really.
Maybe we should stop seeing each other…no, that’s not the option. It’s not something that would make me stop loving you. I’ve tried for months, for fuck sake…it been a year already. I love you. We don’t want people to get hurt, you, me, it’s all complicated. So what really…is the sex confusing you? Sadness and regret welled inside me. Hell, this sucked. I hope he doesn’t hear the way my voice cracks, falls through that sad space…no, absolutely not. With a fake laugh, I just still want to see you. That part was the truth. Now you all wish the talk would go exactly or almost, or not even close to what I just mentioned. Ride with me ,will you…